Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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