How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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