Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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