I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
