So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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