Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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