whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
