Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
