i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
