Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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