Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
