I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
