I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
