I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
