It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
