she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
