I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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