He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
