She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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