so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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