god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
