and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
