Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Pappa wants mamma naked
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
