I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
