turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
