So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
