We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
