i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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