So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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