i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
