Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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