You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
