I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
His nipple licking is glorious
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