he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
