haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
