thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
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I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
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He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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