not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
