I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
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I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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