upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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