happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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