I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
