Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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