Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
