fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
