I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Houston, we have a blender
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
