Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
