found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
