We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
