Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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