Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
