I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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