new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
