Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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