you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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