speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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