I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
