I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it