I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.