I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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