I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
