I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Sober January is a disaster.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
