i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
