One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
