She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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