We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
