DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We are two peas in an std pod
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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