smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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