are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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