You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
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Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
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so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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