I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He shit in the fireplace
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
