as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
