I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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