also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
