Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
